How are anxiety and depression helping me?

IIn order to answer the question: “What's next for me?” We first need to answer the question: “What is happening for me right now?” Getting lost in the daily hustle and being part of a culture that encourages us to tune out instead of in, makes this a lot easier said than done. However, if we have the tools and the space to stay alive in the present moment we are given a choice: to stay asleep or to wake ourselves up.

As we attempt to grapple with how to live a full life in a moment that is still weighed down by seemingly unending uncertainty and grief, many of us have noticed an increase in anxiety, depression, and fear. We feel more unsure of ourselves and our decisions, fall deep into the crevices of our couches, over-socialize, work too much, say we want it do it differently, but continue to find ourselves repeating unhelpful patterns.

The truth is, if you could do it differently, you would. It's not you that's the problem, it's that you are using survival tools to solve problems that require creative tools. And in order to get creative: you've got to feel the feels.

The tricky thing about anxiety and depression is that they are actually examples of non-feeling. This may be hard to understand, as it feels like we are experiencing so much of something when we are in these states. However, in reality they are helping to protect us from the more difficult, heavier truths. If we had felt the true depth of the sadness, the horror, the reopening of old wounds at the height of the pandemic, we wouldn't have been able to show up for our jobs every day, to care for our kids, or to make funeral arrangements for our loved ones. We had to either be in action mode—hence the rise in anxiety: it is a propellant— or we had to shutdown—hence the rise in depression: it is our anger turned inward, the anger that we couldn't express because we had to keep on keeping on, the anger that we didn't even know we had.

The hyper-aroused state (racing thoughts, obsessing about to do lists, heart palpitations, sleep disturbance) and the hypo-aroused state (participating in endless scrolling, hearing a critical or shaming voice constantly, eating more than what nourishes you, difficulty experiencing pleasure) are both invitations inward. Invitations to experience your rich, varied, complicated and full emotional worlds.

And yet, we need to learn how to take up this invitation and be assured that when we go there, we will be able to find our way through and make room for relief, peace and joy. This takes time. This takes teaching. This takes having new experiences. This takes a loving community.

Meanwhile, many institutional and interpersonal forces are telling us: “move on, get back to normal, hurry up.” At Spoke, we know that we have to be able to release the things that have been under the pins before we feel freed up enough to “move on.” We need to be regulated enough to connect to both our inner wisdom and the supportive people in our lives who will encourage us to keep exploring.

In the 5-session series on Transformation in the Time of Stuckness, kicking off 10/21, we will make room for you (your identities, the sounds of your voices, the movements of your bodies, the narratives you've told and have yet to tell) so that you can begin to "give up the shit that weighs you down” (Toni Morrison) in an embodied and lasting way.

In unison:

easy does it,

their urgency is not my urgency,

I need time to reflect in community before I am ready to act,

we have the capacity to undo aloneness.

Come as you are. Find your circle.