Getting Unromantic about Romance

Dear Seekers,

At times, romantic relationships can and should feel like burdens. When we are close to others, we are called to carry some of their weight. This idea is at odds with a culture that romanticizes connection, as we are surrounded by narratives that make success and happiness seem easy to attain.

In reality, when we merge lives with someone, we each carry a full backpack of history full of the old hurts and wounds that came from long before. Many of us attempt to hold our partners responsible for our healing, believing that if we find the “right person” it shouldn’t be hard, but instead love will just flow like a river without rocks. The truth is, most people struggle in connection—friction happens when two things rub up against each other.