Dear Seekers,

I remember a moment when I was in labor, the pain was so intense at the cellular level that every part of my body wanted to quit. I looked at my doula with the most desperate eyes and she reminded me that just when you're thinking "I can't do this anymore," this is a marker of a shift and the sign that the baby is coming. This taught me that sometimes pain is not an indicator of something wrong, but rather something right, and that seeking experiences that bring up discomfort is the pathway to getting closer to what we want.

Read More

Dear Seekers,

We kicked off our sold out Nourishment Circle last week and as we bravely enter our bodies to get to know what we are truly hungry for, I want to share a piece I published for THE WELL, exploring some of the sociocultural explanations for why so many of us struggle with taking in and believing we are "enough."

Read More

Dear Seekers,
Have you wanted to release what you really think, feel, and believe but find yourself paralyzed by the fear of potential consequences? At Spoke, we tap into collective courage to make the truth about ourselves and the worlds we live in public. With this has come great gains (feeling liberated in our authentic selves, finding our people, shifting injustices) and great losses (of innocence, relationships and protective shields).

Read More

Dear Seekers,

To answer the question: “What's next for me?” we first need to answer the question: “What is happening for me right now?”. Getting lost in the daily hustle and being immersed in a culture that encourages us to tune out instead of in makes answering this question a lot easier said than done. But every day we are given a choice: to stay asleep or to wake ourselves up.

As we attempt to grapple with how to live a full life in a moment that is still weighed down by seemingly unending uncertainty and grief, many of us are experiencing an increase in feelings of anxiety, depression, and fear. We feel less sure of ourselves and our decisions, fall deep into the crevices of our couches, over-socialize, work too much, say we want to do it differently, but continue to find ourselves repeating unhelpful patterns.

Read More

Dear Seekers,

One of Spoke's commitments is to help people work to undo aloneness and to challenge the white dominant cultural narrative of individualism. Spoke was built on the tenets of interdependence, and has expanded because of an allegiance to partnership and collaboration.

Connected relationships make it easier to carry the weight of the world--just like the spokes of a wheel distribute weight evenly to decrease individual pressure and increase the capacity of the whole to carry life's burdens. However, one major misconception about relationships is that they themselves should be easy. Relationships can and should feel like burdens at times. To be in close connection with another, sometimes means to help carry her weight.

Read More

Dear Seekers,

When I was looking for the words to describe what we do in the Spoke Space, the phrase "a joyful place to move through hard things" came to mind. Can therapy and trauma recovery be joyful, many have asked me? I believe if we make space for it, we make it possible. Grief is the bed-maiden of joy. We often find that the things that bring us the most joy (our silly children, our loving partners, an incredible sexual experience in our bodies) also bring up sorrow or anger (our persistent children, our maddening partners, feelings dissatisfied with and in our bodies).

Read More

Dear Seekers,

At times, romantic relationships can and should feel like burdens. When we are close to others, we are called to carry some of their weight. This idea is at odds with a culture that romanticizes connection, as we are surrounded by narratives that make success and happiness seem easy to attain.

In reality, when we merge lives with someone, we each carry a full backpack of history full of the old hurts and wounds that came from long before. Many of us attempt to hold our partners responsible for our healing, believing that if we find the “right person” it shouldn’t be hard, but instead love will just flow like a river without rocks. The truth is, most people struggle in connection—friction happens when two things rub up against each other.

Read More

Dear Seekers,

For many of us, the holidays are synonymous with family. At Spoke, we've been investigating what gets activated inside us as we prepare to spend time with our families of origin. At this time of year, the pull to still participate in a family system that does not serve us is strong. (Read on for an Improv Workshop offering for some post-holiday exhale!)

As humans, we seek relationships that are familiar, hoping that if we continue to show up we will eventually get what we need. Even if it doesn't feel good, it is an arrangement that we know. In order to continue to play the role we've always played (listener, giver, supporter) we take ourselves OUT of the relationship (our feelings, needs, beliefs, preferences, identities) to remain IN the relationship.

Read More

Dear Seekers,

Anxiety is the star of the COVID show. It is the catch-all word being used to describe our collective state of being. As much as anxiety is undoubtedly part of our experience, as it is the body's way of letting us know that we have unmet needs and to tune in, it doesn't describe the whole of it.

I want to invite you to consider the anger you may have about this moment in time (and the past 2 years...). Anger, if we allow it, can be our savior. Anger, if we allow it, can also debilitate us as it remains trapped in our bodies--it is said that anger turned inward is another way to describe depression. Though it is one of the primary human emotions, many of us are taught to ignore it. Anger is threatening to those invested in keeping peace and harmony. It has the energy to disrupt the status quo, at the systems- and interpersonal-levels.

Read More

Dear Seekers,

As the year comes to a close, it often feels as if there is a frantic energy in the air—as if our output and productivity must be endless. Our end-of-year to-do lists reach new lengths—filled with gift shopping, balancing family expectations, holiday events and preparing for our 2022 self-improvement projects. We hear a whispering voice inside of us saying, “I’m overwhelmed and I’m tired”—and yet, we don’t feel like we can offer ourselves the time or space to slow down.

Read More

Dear Seekers,

To be authentic is to tell you I do not yet have the right words to share about what I've made of the last year. Instead, I am trusting those of Zora Neale Hurston "there are years that ask questions and years that answer." This year served up a lot of questions for me. At Spoke, we linger in the uncertainty because we've learned that in this space we come to great possibilities.

In the name of sitting with the questions, for as long as we need to (I am confident the answers will emerge in their right time), here are 10 that have supported me in going deeper into myself and finding my way. I invite you to circle the ones that resonate, disregard the ones that don't, cozy up with a journal or loving friend to dig in, and come to a Spoke Circle to both explore and find your answers.

Read More

Dear Seekers,

We show up to Spoke Circles with two seemingly opposing desires: to connect and to self-protect. Many of us were encouraged to present idealized versions of ourselves in order to be accepted by our families, communities, and oppressors. The relational paradox tells us that we desperately want to be close to others, while simultaneously being petrified of the closeness.

Read More

In order to answer the question: “What's next for me?” We first need to answer the question: “What is happening for me right now?” Getting lost in the daily hustle and being part of a culture that encourages us to tune out instead of in, makes this a lot easier said than done.

As we attempt to grapple with how to live a full life in a moment that is still weighed down by seemingly unending uncertainty and grief, many of us have noticed an increase in anxiety, depression, and fear. We feel more unsure of ourselves, question our decisions, fall deep into the crevices of our couches, over-socialize, work too much, say we want it do it differently, but continue to find ourselves repeating unhelpful patterns.

Read More